When I saw that video of our Divinely Decadent Dancing Dude shaking his baby maker on stage for all the world to see, my first reaction was total climactic joy! But, my second reaction was sheer bliss knowing that he was shaking it for our Lordly Liege of Lambastic Love!

If anyone ever doubted how much these two mean to each other, watch the video again! I swear at one point, I saw our Jocular Jivemaster mouth the words, “This is for you, Gay” while he was getting down and dirty with that dancing.

And it was, and is, and always will be, for you, Gay!!!

If I were not such a seriously intellectual student of music who prides herself on self-restraint and overblown hyperbole, I would quite possibly do a happy dance right now, just knowing that our Rambunctiously Reminiscent Rogue of Rock and Roll closed his tour with a loving tribute to the greatest supporter any musician ever had in the history of recorded music! For those of you who may be reading, and who lack my overabundance of “Gray” matter, I would be referring to one Mr. Gay Charles.

Thank you Gay, for setting aside your reading material, washing your hands, and coming down from your exalted throne of superiority to remind us anew, why it is exactly that you are superior to us.

I bow before the throne, ready and willing to do all, and be all, if only to have one more moment in your glorious presence.

After visiting all 723 supermarkets in my metropolitan area, and doing a shelf count at each location, and placing the number of units in my Excel spreadsheet, I hand wrote a thank you note to each store manager who had Taylor’s Tasty Nuggets on the shelves.

While I was in the stores, I did notice that some of them did not have the Tasty Nuggets placed appropriately, and so moved them to a more prominent location. I also noticed, while I was doing this, that some of the stores had Daughtry Doughy Dots much more prominently displayed! I’m sure Simon Cowell is behind this sinister plot to destroy sales of Taylor’s Tasty Nuggets. I think the fact that our Enlightened Entrepreneur signed a contact with Kelloggs, instead of Post, has a lot to do with their continued snubbing of our guy.

As you can see, my behavior, in no way, could ever be deemed obsessive or potentially harmful. I just wish the rest of the Gay family was more like me.

I went to my local Sleezee Mart to buy some Tasty Nuggets, and when I saw there were none on the shelves, I immediately burst into tears. A friendly, and quite attractive cashier saw me and took pity on me. He asked me what he could do that would make me feel better. So I pulled out the length of pink velvet rope I keep in my purse at all times, for just such occasions…

Long story short, his manager did not feel as if his efforts to console me fit the Sleezee Mart customer service standards, and my darling cashier had to make up a story quickly to avoid losing his job.

I hope our Masterfully Macho Man of Music will forgive me my indiscretion! If he’s really upset about it, I still have that pink velvet rope!

Which then raises the timely question. If a monkey is already dancing, then is it really in need of the spanking? Would this also require spanking the dancing monkey into submission – or is this just a heartfelt tap to obtain a more spirited performance out of the primate?

Is this a large dancing monkey or one of from the miniature collection? Is there a class one can take in the more perfected art of dancing monkey spanking??? (I’m aware of publications which can assist in this form of ‘guerilla warfare,’ but to my knowledge, no instructional manual exists).

What was the topic again????????????????

Please allow us to exchange some much needed and overdue “peasantries” since it seems the last time we heard from you, Moses had just parted the Red Sea!!!

Where have you been? What have you been doing? (besides posing for photo-op’s with what I can only determine must be one of your offspring — so how many “D” batteries does it take to keep that furry little guy clanging his cymbals????)

We anxiously await your snarky F-bombs!!!!!