The Chief of Modern Chomp sends his love…for our wonderful Modern Chomp shirts! Click the earlier post Gay for Sale? to view pictures and details about our hip quality products!
Gay Charles
Thanks for the mammaries
Thanks for the mammaries
The Chief of Modern Chomp sends his love…for our wonderful Modern Chomp shirts! Click the earlier post Gay for Sale? to view pictures and details about our hip quality products!
Love the new duds, my Main Music Man! Just when I thought it was totally impossible for you to get any cooler, you had to go and get your chomp on!!
Rock on dude, rock on!!!
That’s right ladies and gents! The Groovy Gibson Guy himself cannot get enough of the chomperiffic choices offered by our master of merchandising!!
You wanna be just like him, don’t you???
Just looking into those ethereally entrancing eyes, makes my heart soar on the wings of his angelic aura!
I feel like we are kindred souls, joined for all eternity through our mutual love for our draconian dictator!!!
mod·ern, adjective
1. of or pertaining to present and recent time; not ancient or remote
2. characteristic of present and recent time; contemporary; not antiquated or obsolete
chomp, verb
1. to bite upon or grind, esp. impatiently
2. to crush with the teeth and chew vigorously or noisily; munch
I find this term, Modern Chomp to be endlessly fascinating, and so have focused at least 87% of my massive intellect on deciphering its true meaning, as it relates to our Pillar of Perspicacity.
After much meandering musings, I present to you the following theory. Please keep in mind, my lesser companions, that the word theory is implying that I am giving you my opinion, not stating pure, unadulterated fact. So, I implore you keep your scathing criticisms to a minimum.
The word “modern” in this phrase references the fact that the music is not of the past, but planted firmly in the soil of today. The word “chomp” tells us that the music is to be vigorously enjoyed with the wreckless abandon of a cretin gnawing on a left over slab of bacon.
I am, once again amazed at the deep pools of poignancy in this man’s brain. I would love nothing more, than to one day sit in a corner and merely observe the wheels turning from a distance as they churn out droplets of significance which will vaporize into the air and infuse all those in attendence with greater knowledge.
You will be seeing me one day soon in my local coffeehouse, sipping a half caff mocha latte, reading critically consequential tomes, proudly attired in my Modern Chomp tshirt…
Actually, the Creative Coolster told me that the phrase “Modern Chomp” was meant to be a nonsense term; it doesn’t mean anything.
Oh, thanks, Gay. That was my second guess!
Does that come in pink, too?
Yes, the shirt is available in pink and off-pink. It is also available in black, white, goldenrod, gamboge, cerise, ultramarine, celadon and viridian. The puke green color is currently sold out.
Update: The poll is growing larger as we speak. It just needs a little more massaging, and then it will reach its most intense culmination. This hot poll will result in a tasty treat from the Gravel-Voiced Guru himself.
Please consider inviting others to visit this blog and vote for their dream cereal. The more the merrier!
Oh Gay, I love to think about the tasty product that results from working the Dean of Deliciousness’ hot, throbbing poll.
I can’t say what I am doing right now, because it is forbidden, but it feels really good!
Wanda, have some class. Posting on this blog is a privilege, not a right. Use some sense. This is the most pulchritudinous website in existence right now. Don’t muddy the waters. Remember, it’s all about the music!
Sheesh COP, you need to relax sweetie. Of course it’s all about the music! And I love and appreciate the beautiful music our Coxswain of Cool makes…
in his pants!!!
I don’t want to get in trouble with COP here, but Wanda my sweet, you make my little Gay heart chortle and guffaw.
Oh and Gay, my love, have you been peeking into my boudoir? How did you know that I just recently redecorated it using a gamboge theme?
I am going to look fabulous, relaxing on my gamboge chaise lounge in my matching Modern Chomp shirt!!
Gay, my terse turtledove, I know that all you do is give and give. And we, as your truckling toadys, do not deserve anything more than scorn and derision from you.
But, please if I may be so bold to ask, would you honor us with a recitation of that beautiful moment in time when the Modern Chomp shirt passed from your hands and ended up caressing the ambrosial abdomen of the man, for whom we may NOT ‘t**d?’
Take the clue and apply it to your posts, Wanda!!!
Yes, please, Gay, tell us how that gnarly Modern Chomp shirt made it into your best friend’s hands!
It’s an inspirational story, yearlings. There I was, waiting outside the building where the big guy was located. For some strange reason, the door was locked. I guess they forgot I was going to be there. When someone left the building through the door, I made my entrance.
I entered a room wherein the man himself was sitting at a table in front of some people waiting in a line. Of course, they didn’t mind when I nudged them out of the way to get to the front of the line.
When the Carb-free Captain saw me rush towards him, his grimace revealed how excited he was to see me! What an enthralling moment for us both. I held up the shirt and he had a look of confusion; I think he was studying it while trying to find the right words to express his gratitude.
Eventually, he reached out for the shirt, and for some reason, he appeared as if he was preparing to sign it. I said, “That shirt’s for you, buddy!”
“Oh…cool, man,” he replied. He didn’t say or do anything else until I encouraged him a few times to change into the shirt, so that I could snap a picture for all his faithful fans. The other people behind me in line overheard and chanted, “Take it off! Take it off!” So they wanted to see him all decked out in the glorious garment, too!
Because of the passion the Groovemeister had for the shirt, he got up, went behind a screen and changed into it. I turned on my video camera and followed him over to the privacy screen to document the historical event. A nearby helpful worker yelled, “Give me that!” and took the video camera from me. I think he wanted to show the video to the Soulster later, and he’ll send it to me when he has a chance. He has my address, of course.
The Illustrious Idol sat back down at the table wearing his new favorite shirt. Somehow, I knew I should have my still camera ready, and I took the picture! Some nice very burly gentlemen then escorted me out the same door I had used for my entrance.
What an experience!
Gay, I just can’t stop crying here. There is no love more pure than the love between you and our Weaver of Woo. This is just such a beautiful, touching story, and I know that our Master of the Mambo will never forget this glorious day or the amazing gift brought to him by the one who loves him more than any other.
I’m crying so hard that I actually have to clean the tears and mucus off my keyboard now. How do I thank you for something like that?
That was a remarkable story, Gay! I’m telling you, I’m going to have to buy a large tube of super glue soon, so that my lips can be permanent accoutrements on your astounding little rump! I never want to stop smooching those Chomp Cheeks!
Gay, your inspiring tale has the synapses firing in my brain again. I can already hear some of you groaning here, but I will attempt to be brief. However, the horrifying image in my head, of this brilliant musician, being forced to meet the common people and the disrespectful fangirly t-worders is killing me here.
I propose that this miraculous meeting of the two most highly esteemed men walking on this planet, may have been the pinnacle of the meet and greet experience, and that the discontinuance of this barbaric ritual would truly be called for at this point. How weary has he grown of the constant “I love you’s” of strangers who only want to convey their admiration and thank him for all he has done for them?
I remember the 17th time I met him, he looked up at me with such pleading eyes, while wiping his runny nose on the sleeve of his shirt, and we had a moment of symbiosis. I read his heart, and he read mine. I bent over near to him, and said quietly and with great reverence,
“You should leave this place and go rest your weary soul as soon as you finish signing my CD again, and taking one more picture with me. I say this because only I love you.”
He smiled serenely at me, shook his head just a little, and then gladly signed, and posed for the picture. Then he thanked me for understanding his plight.
Please, if you love him at all, join me in my campaign to end these horrible meet and greets. We need to protect him from the huddled masses yearning to be in his presence.
Maybe I’ll mention my plan to him at the next show I’m attending!
The fact that you had the Groovemeister’s entourage giving you an up close and personal escort to the door speaks volumes as to your closeness to the revered one. I’m sure you will have many, many more one-on-one op’s, in addition to perhaps sharing some vino and charred meat together in the future (from which, hopefully, you will make a phone call to all of us and give us the play-by-play — I don’t think I will be able to lie my head down to a decent night’s rest unless I know what grundage has passed your lips at that table!!!) Rock on with your Gay self!!!!
As a board certified liptorectumologist, I can assure you that I have travelled in the the most exclusive social circles. I have found that the higher one soars socially, the more frequently one is in need of my advanced liptorectal skills. Coincidence? I think not! But I digress…
The point I attempting to make is that no matter how lofty my own social stature is, I will never attain the glory that our own Gay has so deservedly earned.
I applaud you! Bravissimo!!!
If I could but touch the hem of his garment….in celadon, of course….it would make me whole. Our Shepherd of Soul deserves nothing less than our full devotion for being so brilliant that he sees and understands what a true man of genius our Head Honcho of Haughtiness really is.
I am all ashiver thinking what wonderful things our Sterling Seducer felt as that shirt enveloped him!
Oh Gay, I am just filled with joy from the very epicenter of my evangelical essence! My thankfulness and gratitude can not be measured, as I live vicariously through you, and the amazing life of privilege and esteem that you have been blessed with.
Our Prancing Papa of Purity must be feeling the same way right now, as he gazes so lovingly at the gift you have bestowed upon him. Not just the gift of the perfect shirt, but the gift of you.
Bless you, Gay…
Repeat after me everyone…….
Gay Charles is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of mind-numbing rhetoric,
I fear no evil,
For Gay is with me.
His rod and his staff, they comfort me (heh heh heh…)
Surely goodness and incessant onion kissing
shall follow you
all the days of your life (or as long as my pucker holds up!)
and I shall blissfully dwell in the house of Gay Charles forever.
Mazel Tov!!!!!
OMG Gay! I thought our Feisty Funkmonger was kicking major ass just by wearing the shirt! Now that I know the whole story, I don’t even know what to say!!
Dude, if I wasn’t so freakin’ hetero, I could see myself doing the dreaded T word over this amazing tale!!!
Rock on Gay, rock on with your bad self…