As Brainy Smurf would say…

“I was right, I was right.”  See this blog post I made months ago, Meat fit for a king…or a “Dancing Queen.”  I knew way back then that the Soulful Songster was going to slip a little Abba delight in his finale concert.  (I think a couple of you got the message.  However, for you, let’s say, “slow” people, better luck next time.) 

So, for anyone who doubted my close relationship with The Man, now there is proof.  The performance was an obvious shout-out to yours truly.  Why else would he sing Dancing Queen, out of all the songs in the known universe? 

If anyone needs me, I’ll be on my throne. 

                

      

State of the Blog Address

My fair minions, 

It has come to my realization that I should clarify the current state of Chez Gay.  I enjoy sharing my incredible thoughts and talents with you little freaks, yet I also enjoy not having to come up with things to post about, so I’m in a state of in-betweenness, for lack of a better term.  Wait, there is a better term.  Limbo.  But you people would be confused about my meaning.

I have kept this to myself, but I feel the need to register my discontent.  After ”Taylor’s Tasty Nuggets” hit the shelves, I received complaints from folks that some grocery stores were not carrying the product.  “Let your grocer know you want this cereal,” I advised.  But you people went completely maniacal (more so than usual).  I then received complaints from grocery store managers all over the country, telling me to control my pests.  You crazies went too far, tying up cashiers in restrooms, knocking over displays and eating grapes that you didn’t pay for (those cost money, people!).  That’s not the way to get what you want! 

In hindsight, I should have posted an instructional manual here, regarding the correct way for you to request the cereal.  Instead, I decided to take a brief sabbatical, in order to reflect on my role as the Gray God’s earthly representative.

My short leave of absence felt nice.  It reminded me of my carefree moments as a child, when I’d play stickball on the roof with a squirrel and a rusty cucumber.  “Get off my roof, ya idiot,” dear old Uncle LaQuisha would say.  Nothing pleased me more than to beat the old coot with the squirrel.  Ah, youth.

Yes, I enjoyed my time off.  But we’ve become like your average dysfunctional family here, and you know my famous sensitivity, so I wanted to return to my faithful flock.  Yet with the current online state of affairs, it seems almost unfashionable to continue, and “Gay Passé” is not in my dictionaray.

So, to make a short story long, I don’t know if I’ll be making another blog post.  If so, see you soon.  If not, thanks for your sweet minionship. 

<applause goes here>                     
              

Stasis Update

Folks, Gay Charles will not be upstaged by further nobodies. 

In other words, Gay didn’t like someone else getting the attention, so he is working his posterior off to get back here in a most expeditious manner.

He will be back soon.  Thank you for your patience in this matter.                      
              

Shade of Gay

Hello, folks.  This is Gay’s friend, Shade of Gay.  I just wanted to introduce myself to you good people.  I’m Gay’s BFFN (best friend for now).  Gay is working with our Handsome Honcho to finalize the newest breakfast food on the market, but for now, I can accept your humble praise.            
              

“The Gay will stay”

When the Sergeant of Soul thought I might be closing the Palace of Pure Pomposity, he insisted I stick around.  He said, “Gay, if you never call or email me again, that would be fine, in fact that would be better than fine…but your blog is the last thread of integrity in my fandom.  Please stay.” 

I said, “Sure, dude.  But I’ll need a little dinero to cover my bulky bandwidth.”  I thought I heard him laugh, but it was probably a cough.  (You know how often this guy gets sick.)

He was so excited to hear I’d keep the site open that he made a little audio gift for everyone.  Click here to hear the audioblog!  If the file does not work (things are always failing on me), click here for another download link.  You don’t want to miss this, folks!            
             

Chat with Gay!

Surprise!  It’s just what you’ve been wishing for.  You can chat with me tonight, April 1, from 10:04 to 10:09 PM, EST.  Just click this link if you want to have a deep discussion with yours truly! 

Update:  That was an exhausting but very stimulating chat! 

I’m leaving the link up for all you Gayniacs who want to discuss me, my blog and I (no off-topic chats allowed!) in a chat format. 

***Please note that unless I make a formal announcement, anyone who is using the name Gay Charles in the chat room is an imposter of the most foul kind.  Look for more chats with Gay in the future!
   

March winds bring April fools

Yes, the previous post about me closing my blog was just a slightly cruel joke at your expense, my little worshippers.  It was fun, wasn’t it?  But you should know that Gay could never abandon his flock.  That is, until he gets bored with his site.  Hey, I don’t get paid for this, ya know.

For more fun at the International House of Gay, keep your eyes peeled for a possible surprise coming soon…
 

Is our number up?

Should recent events be cause for the Gay home to close its doors?  (Don’t go rushing to your TV’s, you won’t find this news there…well, not yet.) 

                                         
 

Chew on this

I’ve been a tad blogstipated lately, but I’m getting back to my regular old self.  In the meantime…

Chomp-a-doodle-doo

The Chief of Modern Chomp sends his love…for our wonderful Modern Chomp shirts!  Click the earlier post Gay for Sale? to view pictures and details about our hip quality products!

 
  

Yes, it’s a hard poll, but it will be a sweet climax

The cereal poll is closing soon, so don’t forget to vote.  I know it’s a difficult decision to make, but the Commander of Catharsis is counting on you.  

Click here to take charge of Taylor’s poll.  Don’t be afraid to get your hands dirty.  Just get in there and work that poll over with both hands.

Here is a song to help you think about your decision.  It’s guaranteed to get those synapses firing:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGaVhkVD8EY 
 

Prepare yourselves for a massive poll

I have a very huge poll for you to wrap your minds around. 

The interns have been busy collecting all the suggestions in the cereal suggestion comments section (see “Open Digression“  for more).

This is a very important decision, so make sure your brains are at their peak performance levels.  Wash your hands, crack your knuckles and click the following link to vote:  Taylor Hicks’ Big Poll

I thank you, the Sovereign Soulbrother thanks you and the world thanks you.  
 

Receive The Stream Of Warm Incontinence

• The standard mind-blowing posts that I make daily (or whenever I feel like making them) will remain.  Hey, if I didn’t do that, you’d see nothing but a blank web page here, and we can’t have that, can we?   
• Some of the items I post about will not be about the Silver Stallion.  It’s MY blog and I can do what I want.  If you peonistas were intelligent enough, you would see how everything I post here will enhance your life in some way. 
• I’m going to loosen my bowels if you post anything indicating that you think the Whompmaster is handsome, hot, cute, talented, etc.  Oh wait, that last one is ok…unless his talent makes you TH*D, of course. 
• X-rated discussions do not please me, and you don’t belong here if you don’t want to please me.  There will be no disagreements about this, or you may face a two-day banning.

Any other suggestions, kudos or tantrums?  Go ahead and get feta on me.  I love cheese with whine.  

 

Gay for sale?

Usually, you parasites just take, take, take.  Now is your chance to give.

Open Digression

Here’s what I’m looking for.   A sincere (or at least half-assed) effort by my Gay readers to have a reasonably sane discussion, without your inanity mucking things up.

Have you heard the latest news about a Taylor Hicks cereal?  Probably not, since all official news comes to me first.  Well, let’s just say that there may be a poll here soon for all of you to vote on what the cereal should be named, and the results of the poll may influence the naming of said cereal.  I want name suggestions for the cereal.

So let’s see if you dancing monkeys can prove to me that you have some brain cells left.  Think you can swing it?

                            
 

More artists with moxie

Whip it good.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pv_CoaA_V4k
 

The thud heard round the world

 

Yes, of course I despise the T word, but I know my loyal minions literally fainted in horror when they couldn’t access their online home away from home for the last week.

Well, I needed a break from all you annoying little Gayniacs.  And, hey, every good blogger needs to have at least one temporary retirement, right?
 

Get back on the Gay Train

                            

It’s been an interesting day, to say the least.  I feel a reminder may be in order about our goals here in Gayland:  To spread the Gay love, and most importantly, to kneel before my greatness.  That’s what life is all about.

People all over the world
Join hands
Start a Gay Train, Gay Train
 

Header, shmeader

I’m pleased with the influx of new barnacles, but I have an extremely important question.  So put down your crack pipes and pull your hands out of your pants for just a moment.

Do you jerks love me or not?

I work my fingers to bone for you people, getting you the best and most up-to-date news on the Great One and posting unrelated links that will finally bring some culture into your lives, yet there is still so much room left on my ass for lips.  You people are going to help me fill that gap.